What the fuck is this weight on top of me
Not just on my shoulders but collapsing my lungs and crushing my heart
Keeping me confined and cut off from the world
Cut off from love and laughter
Those things I yearn for but seem to detest when they are graciously given
I credit this to the fact that I never know what I really want
Because there are too many opinions on too many different things
Opinions that don’t come from the people I see around me
Opinions that come from the voices that my fucked up mind produces
Schizophrenic personality traits that worry me in my sleep
Schizophrenic personality traits that puzzle me in my days
I am not the man that I let you think I am
I have problems, I have demons, my skeletons won’t let my closet door close
Yet I still wake up when the sun comes up, and I rest my head in the light of the moon.
What the fuck keeps me going. What the fuck keeps lifting this weight.
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The sun is up, its 8 at night, you know what that means. You can smell it in the air, you can see it in the sky, you can feel it in the marrow of your bones. This is summer baby, so lets light the fuse to this bomb and fucking run like hell. Windows down Gaslight blasting smoking those 27’s have you ever seen the LIE this empty? Its just me and you its like a fucking movie this is so fucking perfect can you believe this is our life. We haven’t slept in days my car is on empty but our hearts are filled with an impossible desire to keep everything the way we want. And then one day, when the air got cool and those northern winds blew in. I took off in a flash and left you in the dust left with only the memories. Memories of the only time in my life when I honestly felt joy. It was all because of you, so don’t sell yourself short and say you mean nothing to no one. Cause I know, just as well as you, that id be dead without your love.
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Do you remember way back when, back when we were still friends, when the days just seemed to last forever, probably because there was nothing to do. And we would sit there with our cigarettes thinking of how cool we really looked, in my dead uncle’s car with no AC, dying, dying, dying, but never before had we felt so alive. We were living our dreams to the fullest, those dreams which were not life goals of accomplishments but just having the opportunity to do the things we never thought of.
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I am a hollow shell
Of what was once a man
A lifeless drone
An empty hand
No emotions. No feelings. No thoughts. No beliefs. Just the breathing and the sleeping
Everything else is gone
No love. No loss. No sense of self. Just the killing and the bleeding
Everyone else is gone.
wow....those are bad...good thing no one reads this
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